My Day 2 skills suck!

Hey guys, I know it's been a while. I had the flu for like 2 weeks, and I think it's due to me developping allergies or something.

Anyway, I need to talk about what happened at the day twos with HBBrit and HBAsian. Now don't get too horny coz not much did happen => no sex.....so if anyone just lost interest in further reading this post, I suggest checking out the seduction-related blogs on my blogroll.

I met HBBrit on a day 2. I had tried to plan ahead: My objective was to meet her at a coffee place, and then find a pretext to go to her place. I chose a trendy coffee/pub near where she lives. The conversation went on for a while but the problem was that it was too logical. My status with the girl was that attraction had been firmly established, and the few shit tests were gone. However, there was a strong need for comfort and rapport building, as the girl was the type that giggles all the time from nervousness. The thing is I SUCK AT CONNECTION BUILDING. There, I said it. The conversatoin wasn't boring, just that it was too logical, I didn't go deep and connect with her. As a result, she wasn't into sex when we got to her place. Since she had mentioned that she lived in a large beautiful house with a jacuzzi, it was very easy for me to propose that she show it to me. And, once in her room, we started making out. But she was STILL giggling when we started, proof that no rapport existed.

Shit man, I tried for hours to turn her on. I would kiss her all over, and try to take off her top, only to get an objection. I would do the whole wash-rinse-repeat again, but the farthest I got was her to take off her bra. The pants were definitely staying, no matter how hard I tried.

I didn't try the freezout, because I forgot :-)

Still, I learned a lot from this interaction: After we stopped making out, we cuddled a lot. It was a mistake in retrospect, because she didn't earn it. Still, I used the cuddling time to have the Talk with her. I told her I was only into casual relationships. She had a problem with that, but I held my ground. And when I saw her the next time at the salsa lessons, I was congruent with that, by being friendly with all the girls, and not giving her special treatment.

I haven't seen her since, I will know more about where we stand at the next session. It might not be a total loss, but I definitely need to escalate the sexual thing, and get her turned on.

As for HB asian, I went to a coffee place with her after the dance lesson, where we spent like a couple of hours talking. The first error is that I didn't plan things out. What did I want? to take her back to her place? to my place? To qualify her?

Since I didn't define my objectives, I got stuck in the vague haze of a casual conversation. I made the same mistakes as with HBBrit, no deep rapport was established, the kino was minimal, and I didn't escalate.

The convo was interesting in my opinion....

she yawned twice......

lol

I saw her at a house party a few days after, one she DIDN'T tell me she was going to. So my guess is that she's unsure about me, even though attraction is still there for me to rebuild on.

I just need to overcome the fear of getting more heavily into kino, into that sexy vibe, that sensual mood that happens when a man is seducing a beautiful woman.

It's very true what they say: the more you learn about things, the more you realise how long the road is. I have started walking, but just barely.

Training continues....

Cheers,
F.

FR: Rapport with HBBrit

Hey guys,

In my previous post I talked about two girls I'm gaming at my salsa lessons. Yesterday, only HBBrit came to class, which made things much easier for me.
My objective for the night was to go into rapport and comfort with that girl. I have noticed this problem in my behavior: I carry on too long being the sarcastic, cocky and funny entertainment guy. I used to do that because I would grow nervous and afraid of stalling, and so would become overly sarcastic, ruining the atmosphere.

But not this time. With HBBrit, I knew that attraction was done the previous times I had seen her. I had established myself as a fun and attractive man, and tried as much as possible to steer away from the "nice guy/boyfriend material" behavior.

So what happened is that, after the lesson, I took her from the dance floor to a table. We sat, ordered some drinks, and started talking.

She had 2 problems I needed to fix:
-She was giggling too much, wasn't taking anything seriously. I think it is because she was still in "entertainment" mode with me. I needed to go into rapport.
-She was asking too many lame questions (where do you come from? What brought you to Canada, etc...). I think it is because she was a bit nervous around me, and was trying to avoid any silence. Thus, she needed comfort.

My behavior was the following: When she started asking lame questions, I would answer with the weirdest, obviously crazy stories. For example:

Her: How come you have Canadian citizenship?.
Me: Well...That is a VERY interesting story. You see, I was working for the British secret service, and to reward me, the Queen gave me a lordship. and gave me the choice of any citizenship in the Commonwealth, so I chose the biggest country, Canada.

Another one:
Her: So how come you're in Canada?
Me: Well, that's a FASCINATING story actually. Once in my home town I was walking on the beach, when I saw....this MERMAID! using a LAPTOP! bla bla bla(she bursts out laughing, kino, etc...)

After a while, everytime I didn't want to answer a question, I would just start with "Excellent question!" or "It all started for my family during the Crusades", and that would end it.
I know it's a good thing in general not to answer all the questions, so as to keep her on her toes. Besides, it allowed me to control the conversation, and I knew I needed to set a new frame.

That behavior paved the way for the following frame: "Come on, you can do better than that, ask me a real question!"
While telling her that, I was making sure to lean back on my chair everytime I noticed myself. I also told her:
"Listen, look at me, look into my eyes. When you see me, what do you want to know? What is it you want to know about what makes me tick?"
I told her to think about it, then I asked her my question: I knew she loved to travel, so I asked her what it is about travelling that she liked. After some probing, she said she liked the challenge, the fact that she was discovering new people, new cultures, and that she had to get out there and meet them. I tried to feed back to her those trance words, but my SS is rudimentary. I remembered later on that I could have launched into my own story, related to hers, but not at the time.

Then, she asked me a very good question:
"If you knew you only had tomorrow left to live, what would you do that day?"

Man, that was a tough one. I made sure to mention that to her, and to compliment her (with kino also). I took my time to think it over, then I gave her a truthful answer in a very serious tone. From that point on, we had properly shifted into rapport: I had started light kino (I made sure to sit next to her, and not have a table between us), we were talking about deeper topics, I was leaning back the whole time.

After answering and telling her it was a genuinely good question, I starting preparing for next meeting. I told her it would be good if we could continue this outside of a salsa context, then told her about this nice coffe/bar place on StCath, and that we should meet up. We agreed on wednesday.

After that, she started asking me back the same lame questions. I didn't block them like before, I just challenged her a bit by saying "What's in it for me if I answer your questions?". She answered with the only shit test of the night: "If you answer I'll come on wednesday"

I laughed out loud, (not an evil one, a joyful one) and told her something along the lines of "Girl, we both know you are going to be there!". That kept her in line.

After that, we walked to the metro, and said good bye, no kiss close (should have gone for it maybe).

Now with the next step, which is tomorrow!. Here are the parameters, any help/comments would be most welcome:

-Next time my objective is clear: to f-close her at her place. The date location is near her house, so I must find a way to venue change between the 2 locations. An idea would be to ask her to show me "that thing at her house" (that I need to determine during the conversation :-) ). Another is: after I walk her home I could tell her I need like 15 mins to freshen up/relax/call someone etc....
-To properly be able to venue change, should I have a very sexual frame? or more comfort/rapport stuff?? I haven't had many day 2s so far, so any general help is most welcome.

Cheers,
F.

When two targets meet

Here is something I posted on the Lair yesterday:

Okay guys here is the situation. I've met this cute british girl at my salsa lessons, and last week we hung out a bit during the salsa lesson break. She is only staying for 4 months, and is definite casual sex material, which is what I want out of her.

Now this other girl (asian) is part of my extended social circle. She is very smart and classy, not really the party type. She is attracted to me, and constantly tries to gently shit test me. The thing is I think she sees me as boyfriend material: We have only hung out with our common friends so far, during which I had this cool and popular 'regular' guy vibe. By regular I mean a guy who is not a total AFC, but still goes for LTRs and is not a player.
Now I know what ya all gonna say: It is my job as a man to decide what I want with that girl, and to set the corresponding frame accordingly, and not overanalyse what she wants. I am with you guys 100% on that. That was my plan, to reframe her perception of me as this very sexual guy. I was going slowly with this because I don't want too much awkwardness and drama within our common group of friends in case I mess things up.

Now, in the normal world these two girls in my life should have been mutually exclusive....But now it turns out the asian chick is coming tonight at the salsa lessons.

Great......... now what? Both are going to be there! I need to decide how to manage the two chicks. The sensitive time is during the mid-lesson break. The students have like a 15 min time-off. During that time all three of us will probably end up sitting together (and not sure if other acquaintances might join).

So far the ideas I have are the following:

-First of all, the reason I am there is to learn salsa, so during the lesson that is my priority, NOT those girls, and I need to convey that to them.

-Also during the lesson, my frame is that of the cool sociable guy. I've done it the previous times, where I was talking to everyone and giving my partners high fives and such.

-During the break, and assuming it's just me and the two girls, I am going to be as laid back as possible. No hitting on anybody, just dominate the conversation, make them laugh and choose the correct topics (sexual, fun, etc...).

-Let them see me as the prize, (and then I can enjoy observing the subtle ways in which they try to put each other down :-) )

So far that is what I am thinking. I know there are advanced ways to create jealousy plots, but I don't know how.

So that's my case for tonight, any comments are most welcome.

Cheers.

Now, I got some interesting suggestions:

-Do not hit on one in front of the other, but make them both see that the other sees you as of value.

-When you first introduce them, LEAVE them ALONE together.

Women's first reaction is either to compete or get rapport. If you are not around, they will get rapport.

-Tell stories, do some kino, but don't close one in front of the other. The 4 month girl has less to lose by being the "other" woman, but the asian girl is part of your social circle.

And finally my report on what happened that night:

So what happened was the following:

I came in the club, saw the british girl and sat with her and her friend for a bit, then the lesson started.

A bit after the start of the lesson, 4 of my friends came, so a positive point is that I got social proof in front of HBBrit.

The asian only showed up later, and so I couldn't test the notion of introducing them and then leaving them to build rapport...too bad.

During the break, I couldn't talk with any of the 2 girls, because one of my friends is my dance partner and she really wanted to practice her salsa moves. Since friends are before any HB, I spent the entire break time with her.

During the entire lesson, I was fun, smiling and sociable.

At the end of the lesson, some of us were still dancing. Then, I saw the Brit girl standing alone and, halfway through the dance floor, pointed at her, walked to her and led her to the dance floor. I showed her some of my moves, she showed me hers, we kinoed a bit more than strict salsa canon, all of that while HBasian was watching.

So that was it. I know now that the brit girl is very attracted to me, and I was very alpha around her (couldn't build comfort though). The Asian girl saw all of that, which showed her she needs to work to attract me (she sent an SMS today saying how much she enjoyed last night, thanking me and stuff :-) ).

AsianGirl knows now at least that I am not your typical "boyfriend material" guy. Still, the next time I see her I expect a lot of shit testing from her, to try and mold me...bring'em on girl!!

Next monday, both girls are going to be there too lol! That should be fun.

So here it is. I loved the concept that if two women you are gaming meet up, then better to just leave them together for a while so that they can bond.
Cheers,
F.