Im going out tonight

In trying to gain more control over my life (the source of happiness in my current understanding of the world), I've decided that I should ask guys to go out with me to sarge, not the other way around.

So tonight I called a friend to be a sarging buddy.

I took this from Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged (I think) : Everything a man (as opposed to a boy) does has a purpose.

I should write a post about my theory of what differentiates a boy from a man, and how it applies to my current life.

Anyway, remember the general rule: One is supposed to generally feel good about himself.

To do that I must identify my current state (angry, anxious, afraid, etc..). I must then clean it of all negativity.

Then replace with the basic rule of life, of feeling good about oneself.

I detach myself of any external source, i.e. I recenter myself :

Become aware of your body, and relax it.
Become aware of your thoughts, and clean them up.
Go deep and FEEEL good about yourself.

Then I can ask myself, unclouded by external influence :"What do I want?".

I want to go out, and behave in a controlled manner in a club or bar. That means I want to talk to people, be social, not be limited by fear, but rather own my environment, expand my control space, and just enjoy myself. I want to be able to flirt with women, and generally evolve through the night in a club without feeling any negative thought

Not having any fear in a social situation implies not being jumpy or overly reactive to any external input. This is a challenge for me as I become overexcited with the energy of a crowd. According to the Myers-Briggs test, I'm a highly extroverted person. In a sarging context, that's not always a good thing.

So anyways, concentrate of being calm and unreactive.

Also, concentrate on identifying immediate desires, such as:
-Not to laugh too much, and only when I feel like it. With my friends, when I'm nervous and grow passive, I smile and laugh too early, too much. This takes me out of my positive controlled state because I'm not acting according to my true emotion of the moment.
-I see a set I like, or a woman passing by me, and I want to interact with them. The should be an immediate desire-action linkage in me. I see something I want => I take action. No doubt or questions or self-analysis. Just do it.

Always, always always be focused on myself. No matter the outcome of any interaction, I get out of it unaffected, because I am obeying my immediate desire, and I don't let external factors affect me.

Be selfish, constantly monitor your thoughts and desires, and TAKE ACTION. This is the rule of lie. Desire -> ACT. Desire -> ACT.

As a practical objective tonight, let's see how much I can remain in state throughout the night, and how I feel about myself immediately afterwards, and the next day.

F.