Interesting msn conversation

The following shows how one can extricate himself from a sad/uncomfortable mood, it happened like an hour ago. Afterwards i logged on msn and saw a friend of mine, here is the excerpt:

Girl:
what are you up to?
Fabz says:
well, that is a question with an interesting answer to it
Fabz says:
wanna hear it?
girl says:
sure!
Fabz says:
oh well i'll say it anyway
Fabz says:
got back from the gym a few hours ago, feeling ok, then did my laundry, then my mood started going down
girl says:
....
Fabz says:
you know when a bunch of small things you don't notice irritate you, so you end up feeling down?
girl says:
yes
girl says:
that happened to me today actually
Fabz says:
the trick is to shake up, and identify those things, then fix them
girl says:
yes!
Fabz says:
cool, so i sat in my room
Fabz says:
got my notebook, and started writing the things on my mind
girl says:
yes
Fabz says:
lotsa nonsense really, but still many things got clearer. The immediate ones especially:
Fabz says:
i was feeling down because:
Fabz says:
it was hot in my room
Fabz says:
i was hungry
girl says:
lol
Fabz says:
and other more psychological stuff
girl says:
yes
Fabz says:
so i wrote all my psych stuff, felt a bit better, then dressed up, went to the grocery store
girl says:
dressed up for the grocery store?
Fabz says:
bought a bunch of vegetables and fruits, and some chocolate chips
Fabz says:
well i can't walk in my underware outside now can i?
girl says:
haha
Fabz says:
anyway...
girl says:
you could i guess, if you wanted to...
Fabz says:
so when i got back, my apartment was cooler, coz i had opened the windows
Fabz says:
made a huge salad
Fabz says:
felt really good eating because it was good, plus healthy
girl says:
nice!!!!
Fabz says:
and now i am rewarding myself with chocolate chips and a nice conversation
girl says:
hooray!!
girl says:
way to go Fabz!
Fabz says:
*crunch* *crunch*
girl says:
and be so proactive!!!
girl says:
lol

HBCosmetics responds

Got an interesting response from HBCosmetics one day after my email.

After the regular "I am fine, you wouldnt believe how long it took me to get home" bit, she started talking about how I overdid it with the jokes the other day. She said that she doesn't like it when people try too hard to make jokes just to impress people, instead of just being themselves.
She then added that, even though i made her somewhat uneasy, that nonetheless she was interested in me and thus gave me her email. All this was said in a very nice way mind you, with smileys and stuff.

Then she starts telling me not to take it too hard ('we barely know each other! :-) '), that she likes to be honest about things, etc...She then asked us to continue this over instant messaging.

wow...

First things first, to be quite honest, I was just happy to get a response. So I wasn't flaked on! go me!

one sec..

(goes to the bedroom, looks into the mirror, flashes a huge 'you rock!' smile, points a finger and says 'you...no you!...youuu!!', and then returns to the PC)

........Now where was I? Oh yeah.

So I was actually excited by that answer. After talking to her the other day, I was trying to analyse what type of person she was, and the only thing I noticed was that she was too quiet. I was worried that she would be the overly sweet-relationship-type girl looking for a boyfriend. So it was actually enjoyable to find out that she is a very assertive person, with a lot of energy. I thought that was really cool.

Now the question becomes, how to answer??

She had made her point clear, and she kind of had me in a trap, she had set the frame that I was trying too hard. If I answered agressively that I wasn't, that was bad. Of course the other extreme is also bad: I know now enough about these things so that there was no way I was going to revert into beta-nice-boy, starting the email by apologizing, being a wuss, and showering the text with dozens of approval-seeking smiley faces.

No, what was needed was a balanced response. In particular, I shouldn't show any excessive reaction. An important part of attraction is to show a form of disinterest, by not being too reactive to things, by maintaining cool composure. Otherwise, I would be jumping balls first into her frame, her setting.

So my response articulated itself in the following way:

First I told her I thought it was cool how she spoke her mind honestly, how rare that was, and how, in my opnion, that is one of the things that differentiates a girl from a woman, a sign of maturity. I then added that of course, she doesn't have to worry about me, because I am not affected by that type of opinion.

Second, I said: I nevertheless disagree with you about my humour. In all modesty, I think I am a very funny guy, and what you saw is who I am. Sometimes girls are intimidated by my humour, but I am glad it is not the case with you. You only thought that I overdid it, and that is something we can discuss :-)

I finished by saying I have a positive feel about our next conversations, that I preferred face-to-face meetings, but that if it was important for her to instant message first, then she could add me with the following email : xxx@xxx.com

Whaddya think guys??

The first paragraph didn't have any exclamation point or smiley face. It was a cool compliment to her. Purpose: show coolness and lack of excessive reaction.

Then I disagreed with her and stuck to my ground, and confirmed what my personality is. Purpose: Showing her I don't care what she thinks of me, that I am self-assured and behave the way I want.

Finally I told her to add me to her messaging thing. Purpose: I'm in control and call the shots.

In Conclusion:
It is clear that I still am very inexperienced at gauging people. Also, I was not able to analyse my behavior in real-time to realise I was overdoing it.

Conclusion: keep training.

F.

First successful sarge

MILESTONE!

Yesterday was my first by-the-book successful email close.

I was walking in the downtown malls trying to do a cold approach, but I still couldn't do them.
Then it dawned on me: Instead of this 'all or nothing' attitude I have, which means that in all probability I would go home without having spoken to anyone, I might as well talk to people. The only way I'm able to do it at my current level is by talking to women working in the stores. I know it is not really approaching, but some work on the sarge is better than no work at all.

Anyway, I started coming in to stores talking to women employees, and loosening up, until I arrived at this place where they sold like shaving cream and stuff for men, and the girl there was cute. So I engage HB7 and ask her about after shaves, since I recently started using them and know about them:

I told her to show me what she had, and then asked specifically for non-alcohol type products (they cause dryness of skin. Any guy living in the Canadian Cold knows how annoying it is to go out in the freezing wind just after shaving, and what it feels like on the face). I guess that statement and others showed some authority from my part, maybe that's a display of high value of some sort.

Then I started teasing her about spying at other counters and about how she is doing industrial espionage on the other brands.

Then I went funny by telling her about how my grandfather was a classical guy in terms of shaving: shave with a nude razor blade, then put on some cologne to clean the cuts, and take the pain like a man (it's not lying it's flirting). It was fun, but not hilarious.

Finally, after mentioning that I was a retired porn actor, and am now an ass model, I finally had the guts to ask her contacts. In the past, even after maintaining a good vibe in a conversation with a women, I wouldn't dare to ask for anything, and would just say goodbye, and then kick myself. This time I told her something like: 'Hey you know what, you're interesting, we should continue this another time'. She said yeah sure, and then I asked her 'well what do you propose?'. We then agreed to exchange emails, and she went to the end of her counter to get a pen and paper. Now I have read that this is a good thing, that I made her work, that she got invested in the activity. I'm not sure about that, but I believe that it showed how interested she was in me, looking for writing material and all , and reading carefully my handwriting. (or maybe she just wanted to get rid of me hehe)

Anyway, I sent her a funny short email today, asked her opinion about something fun, and didn't ask specifically for a day 2. I'm going to leave it for after she replies and after we start talking on the phone.

So good points:
-first successful sarge.
-am starting to become aware and watch for clues in her body langage, to try and calibrate and see how she is perceiving me.
-finally dared to escalate and ask for a contact number.

Bad point:
-definitely wasn't the tightest game ever, it could be that she just liked me (like I said, I am cute and charming when I don't act like a wuss). But who cares, what matters are results.
-I am putting too much emphasis on this sarge, I should be out there getting 20 such numbers, and not stress about whether she is going to respond or flake on me, which is what is happening to me right now.

Still, all in all, a small but clear improvement over yesterday's me.

(patting myself on the back....)

Let the training continue,

F.