So-so night out with Lair bros
Yesterday I met up with three fellow lair members, and we went to this well-known pub/club downtown.
Contrary to the other time I sarged with the Lair at that place, I wasn't that 'good' last night. I define good as being able to open and maintain conversations for some time. This messed up my objectives for the night, because I was planning to practice getting into rapport and comfort.
Oh well, there are lessons to be learned here anyway.
For example, the fact that my openers weren't as successful is probably due to lack of sufficient training. I tend to conclude too fast that I have mastered a certain level, and it was obvious from last night that I still needed to practice how to present a strong body language and tonality when approaching.
On the positive side of things, I DID go out, even though I wasn't feeling at my best, both physically and mentally. This falls into the whole 'pushing yourself' category, as well as into the realisation that there will be good days and bad days, and the latter is always better than just staying at home.
Another positive point, and a more technical one, is that I tested the concept of negging the dominant woman of a set, here's how it went:
It was a 2-set, one blonde one brunette. The blonde was very talkative, and the brunette not at all. So I come in and deliver an opener I'd just made up: "Do you think it is cool for a guy to have a tatoo on the lower back?"
The blonde answers immediately by "it's gay", with that sense of finality that subcommunicates "you as a guy have not made a positive impression on me".
I try to salvage the set by asking for the brunette's opinion, but she was totally blank. I try and develop a conversation on the topic, but the blonde restates her opinion, says something else and then initiates a high-five with the brunette. The hi-5 is pretty much an indication of total failure, so I decide to try the negging before ejecting:
Me: (to the blonde, after a quick look at her hair) Nice hair, but what's your real hair color?
Blonde: No, it's actually my real color.
She then tries to explain something about her roots being dark or whatever, but I ignore her and turn back to the brunette with another question, but she was again unresponsive, so I eject.
It was obvious that the blonde was caught by surprise. For a split second, she was no longer in control, had her perceived value reduced and thus started to justify herself, which is I guess the whole point of a neg. An experienced guy would have been able to use that element to his advantage, but alas, not me, not yet :-).
So, what is the conclusion?
(everybody) : Keep Training!
Cheers,
F.
Contrary to the other time I sarged with the Lair at that place, I wasn't that 'good' last night. I define good as being able to open and maintain conversations for some time. This messed up my objectives for the night, because I was planning to practice getting into rapport and comfort.
Oh well, there are lessons to be learned here anyway.
For example, the fact that my openers weren't as successful is probably due to lack of sufficient training. I tend to conclude too fast that I have mastered a certain level, and it was obvious from last night that I still needed to practice how to present a strong body language and tonality when approaching.
On the positive side of things, I DID go out, even though I wasn't feeling at my best, both physically and mentally. This falls into the whole 'pushing yourself' category, as well as into the realisation that there will be good days and bad days, and the latter is always better than just staying at home.
Another positive point, and a more technical one, is that I tested the concept of negging the dominant woman of a set, here's how it went:
It was a 2-set, one blonde one brunette. The blonde was very talkative, and the brunette not at all. So I come in and deliver an opener I'd just made up: "Do you think it is cool for a guy to have a tatoo on the lower back?"
The blonde answers immediately by "it's gay", with that sense of finality that subcommunicates "you as a guy have not made a positive impression on me".
I try to salvage the set by asking for the brunette's opinion, but she was totally blank. I try and develop a conversation on the topic, but the blonde restates her opinion, says something else and then initiates a high-five with the brunette. The hi-5 is pretty much an indication of total failure, so I decide to try the negging before ejecting:
Me: (to the blonde, after a quick look at her hair) Nice hair, but what's your real hair color?
Blonde: No, it's actually my real color.
She then tries to explain something about her roots being dark or whatever, but I ignore her and turn back to the brunette with another question, but she was again unresponsive, so I eject.
It was obvious that the blonde was caught by surprise. For a split second, she was no longer in control, had her perceived value reduced and thus started to justify herself, which is I guess the whole point of a neg. An experienced guy would have been able to use that element to his advantage, but alas, not me, not yet :-).
So, what is the conclusion?
(everybody) : Keep Training!
Cheers,
F.
posted by Fabz @ 7:09 PM
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